Last night was GORGEOUS outside. It was 79 degrees and I swear, every neighbor was outside having drinks and shootin' the shit. It was fun to look down the line of houses to see. The neighbors who live on the other side of our duplex are going through health issues with one of their Dads, so we were all just sitting outside talking about that. Since I have personally lost both of my parents, it was nice to be able to kind of help someone through this process of, "Is he going to be ok? What do we do now? What can I do for them?"
I could tell that everyone was getting a little tipsy. Which is fine, they have a right to do that, but I WANTED TO DRINK, TOO! I felt like a kid that saw somebody else holding a toy and now all of a sudden they wanted to have that toy, too. I wanted to be able to numb my resurfacing feelings about ailing parents, too. I wanted to be able to drink away my problems! I wanted to be able to FOR ONE NIGHT drink away my problems and forget about everything.
But I can't. I never will be able to do that again. Ever.
I can start to get real down on myself if I think too much about it, which is what I did last night. I wasn't feeling the best anyway (liver flare up), so I excused myself and went to bed. And while I was laying in bed while everyone else was drinking downstairs I started thinking, "Will I ever be okay being around it? Will I always feel left out?" And I think it is like dieting; You might have to ask your friends and family not to eat certain foods in front of you because you are not strong enough to resist yet. But eventually it will be okay.
I am able to have a drink once every 3 months so I am excited to be going to my hometown in a couple of weeks for a friends 30th birthday celebration to be able to have my one drink for the summer. Hopefully that will help me feel more in place. But I'm starting to get obsessive about it. My mind is going nuts.
"What should I have? Should I have a mixed drink? Nah, that will get all watered down"
"Should I have a beer? That may get too warm if I'm sipping on it all night."
"I'm going to sneak shots all night! RUM CHATA! GET SHITTY!!"
"No, no, I'm not."
"What should I have? Should I have a mixed drink? Nah, that will get all watered down"
"Should I have a beer? That may get too warm if I'm sipping on it all night."
"I'm going to sneak shots all night! RUM CHATA! GET SHITTY!!"
"No, no, I'm not."
"Wine. I can sip o that all night. Wine it is."
"Red? Or maybe a Chardonnay?"
"Red. Yes, red."
"Red. Yes, red."
So I will, with pleasure, sip my ONE glass of wine all night long. I don't need alcohol to have fun!!!
Right?
Liver Pain: 3
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ReplyDeleteThanks you very much for sharing this useful information with us. Say no to alcohol.
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